I'm independently dependent

So life so far is been... well normal. My schedule either consists of work all day or seeing friends/ doing things I've wanted to do but never had the time to. I am still single, though down, I keep head up and I'm pretty proud that I have stayed this strong so far.

So I realized a couple nights that even though I'm over a certain someone, I still do have feelings for them. I have no idea where it came from and I really don't want them anymore. I don't know if she'll read this blog post, but whatever. I don't want them mainly because I know there's no chance, if there was, whole new story, but until then, no I don't want them at all. Now that that's done.

I've come to realize how dependent I am of things, and in turn has made me hate loneliness. I've always wanted a mentor-type figure, I've always wanted to be in a group, and I've always wanted to have a girlfriend. I realized this is another reason why I usually use the words/phrases "I guess" "I think so" "I'm not to sure but..." and its because if I am wrong, it's just me, and I doubt myself because I have no one else backing me up. I'm overcoming it by eliminating those words from my speech and to believe in myself more. If I can't believe in myself, how will I know what myself is?

Well that's all that's on my mind right now.

-Phil