A Solution to the Brithday Problem

I really wondered why I hated my birthday. I mean, yeah, I've never really felt that special, nor have I felt that awesome that people should celebrate a day of me, but I think I found out why. Last year was my 18th brithday, and what do I have to show for it, nothing. I can still remember I wanted to do this whole entire speech at my birthday dinner, that my friends would be at. All eyes would be on me, but no. It was like every family dinner, everyone collaborated at the table, and they all had their conversations; there I was left with my and my girlfriend at the time. No words really exchanged with me, my small eager attempts to converse with someone, which turns out to be a small exchange of words and that was it. Then the eyes were on me for the cake and the presents, and that's it. Nothing after that. All I did was take my girlfriend out for a walk on the beach and then a couple hours later took her home.

Would I want to try to do that this year? No. Why? That was for when I was 18. 18 is a huge milestone for my life, 19 - that's nothing. 19 is just another year. I know this year my friends are going to do something for me. It's funny, I had to be told to take off of work because of what they planned. But, it's like, I don't want it because I feel like it's out of pity, it's because I said something about it. And yet, I do, I think, because it's about me, and well... I feel like I'll like it, whatever it is. I'm just afraid I might be in a shitty mood that day.